Who apart from me has noticed that most of those in real positions of power in the Queensland Government cabinet are all GREAT men—apart form the Premier herself of course?
Now I am not talking about strenuous efforts to create and implement policy or their hard work in persuading people that labour is doing a great job in government. It’s not that. They may be doing all these things but I am talking about how they present. I am talking about their great looks.
Here are five stalwarts of the Queensland cabinet. They are all well into middle age, they certainly have diffucult and stressful jobs and yet they don’t have a grey hair between them. They are young, energetic and look fantastic, don’t they? I speak of
- Paul Lucas 48, Health
- Neil Roberts 55, Police, Corrective Services and Emergency Services.
- Robert Schwarten 56, Public Works and Information and Communication Technology
- Stephen Robertson 48, Natural Resources Mines and Energy and Trade
- Geoffrey Wilson 58, Education and Training





The very best photographs of Ministers from their official sites at http://www.cabinet.qld.gov.au/ accompanying the personal biography of each. And we all recognise Jason!
How Andrew Fraser got to be treasurer without much hair and losing what he has at a great rate we will never know. No, sorry, that is untrue. We all know how he got to be treasurer and as such not much wonder he is losing his hair—but that is a story for another day.
Apart from Andrew it is obvious that those with power in the labour government are the ones with good heads of hair—just like Samson. So for God’s sake, Anna, don’t let any females loose in the cabinet room with scissors or things could really come tumbling down!
And all such gorgeous colours too. Some are beautiful and wavy like Geoffrey’s and Neil’s. Paul’s is really dark and with a smart matte finish and some are slightly shorter and in chestnut shades like Robert’s and Stephen’s.
There are those of course who whisper that they dye their hair but surely this can’t be so. No male politician who has achieved a cabinet position in government would spend the considerable time that this process would entail just to pretend to the Queensland electorate that they had not started to go grey. This does not make sense does it?
What voter would think to themselves “well I’m not at all happy about the wages fiasco within the Health Department but then again Paul Lucas has great hair so lets just forgive him the salary debacle”. Politicians are much more likely to depend on good policy and efficient implementation of that policy to impress the electorate. Policy must surely always outweigh Pompadour in winning popularity.
Can you imagine a leading male Queensland politician in the hair salon (not the barber’s shop) surrounded by technicians with bowls of mysterious solution being pampered and groomed, head wrapped in paper as the magic works and then styled and blow dried to absolute perfection. I don’t think so.
Politicians are people who have the wit to face the ageing process gracefully. I would not like to think of any politician I voted for as being a person whose vain behaviour took up more time than policy formulation. But then again an hour with your head resting back being fussed over by three or four females (it’s usually females) is perhaps just the position to be in to formulate the next strategic move.
Surely no sane voter would stand for members presenting themselves as concerned members of Parliament, interested only in fair governance of state but who obviously spend more than a perfunctory minute in front of the bathroom mirror. Because those who dye their hair probably have many other vanity driven processes that they must find time for.
No—give me the balding, greying mature male politician who attends the local barber shop and not the hair salon, who checks in the bathroom mirror, just occasionally, to see if he has to clean his teeth this week—and I will vote for him!
Now the reader of this article is by this time probably thinking why should men not dye their hair since it is probably true to say that a majority of women today certainly dye their hair and for them it has often nothing to do with ageing. Well first of all because women seem to be so much better at it. Not for them the matte mouse, matte brown or matte black but the shiny blonde, long and silky or glossy dark brown or wavy gorgeous titian—they don’t even care if its nothing like the original colour.
No, no, call me sexist but I am all in favour of women dying their hair because we expect women to have a little vanity but I bet that most of us voters do not expect that of our male politicians.
Particularly noticeable with older men dying their hair is that the older they get the more obvious it becomes. Hair dye unfortunately does nothing to fix bulging bellies, sagging chins and a wrinkly face. They would eventually have to go the whole hog with liposuction, botox and all the other magic potions available today—and this would leave no time for politics at all.
And now you are saying to yourself—“Ah ha—so it is politicians who dye their hair that this writer objects to”—and I suddenly realise—yes that’s right, I strongly object to dyed hair politicians who think more about their appearance than seeing their department run efficiently. I’m not fussed about the likes of Jason Akermanis dying his hair. He is in an entertainment profession with an exaggerated, over the top personality, that he cultivates very carefully. “Good on you Aker”—I say.
As a voter I am not looking for the young and virile. If anything I am looking for old and wise. So if I was your average Polly I would be dyeing my hair grey! I don’t want a frumpy foppish fifty something feigning—formative years. I want a fifty something that looks like he has the experience and wisdom required for the job.
Artificial hair colour cries out I am faking it, you can’t trust me, what you see is not what you get. And the final straw is, and I can hardly believe this as I write it, that those who do dye their hair probably believe that people who look at them don’t realise that the hair they are looking at is dyed. Those who do dye their hair probably believe that they are presenting themselves as a 30 or 40-year-old good-looking guy. Give me a break—surely no educated politician wise in the ways of the world could ever believe this?
So a final word of advice to the Queensland cabinet, particularly the famous good-looking five as illustrated here.
You are a great looking bunch fellows but before much longer I would start the ageing process—before anyone suspects that you might be spending too much time at the hair salon. First I would go to the barber the next time just in case there are a bevy of reporters, with cameras and awkward questions, waiting for you outside the hair salon having read this article. Then I would buy some simple hair dye—yes dye. All of you are just too good looking to be true so I advise a little grey colouring at the temples to start with. Not enough to cause suspicion you understand, but just enough to let the natural ageing process catch up with your natural good looks—say over the next year or so!
Go to it guys. You are all doing a great job!